It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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