I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
