i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's the barista slut.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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