based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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