Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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