whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
