Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize