i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
