I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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