I wish i was in the wii world.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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