no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
