I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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