HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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