I have demons in me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
