I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
