i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I want a musical about memes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize