I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
