Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
