tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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