I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
