Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
