To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so that wasnt chicken after all
ugly people sure do ruin things
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
