We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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