Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
