At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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