So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
