i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
