hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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