in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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