You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
