Don't you send me to vm
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Randomize