Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
