She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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