i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There's even glitter on my cock...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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