this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
