hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
