Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
