R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
