I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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