I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize