24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
