Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
