SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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