theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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