By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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