im drinking this country out of the recession.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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