dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
