you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
