Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
