I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize