i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
