He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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