I think my vagina is haunted
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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