I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
