I need to stop coming to work sober
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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