what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
