so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
