I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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