I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
