omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
