god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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