So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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