there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
