I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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