my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
