So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
